How to date a girl who is way out of your league.

Thursday, October 25, 2007
How to date a girl who is way out of your league.
I consider myself to be pretty well on the geeky side, I am an electrical engineering student, avid member of the computer community, and a dabbler of all things technical. I have never been extremely social or outgoing, I'm not the life of the party. Normally I am the kinda guy that you would look over, especially if you are a hot girl. However I have had more than my fair share of girlfriends way out of my league. For instance, the last 2 girls who I dated seriously have both been well out of my league/social circle, who I met in completely different ways/places.

This is what works for me, I have told this to many people, and it has worked for those who followed through. Its not a magical spell to make anyone fall in love with you, but it definitely helps tip the scales in your favor.

my disclaimer is that this works for me, It might not work for you. I do not treat women badly in any way, and I have the utmost respect for women, same as men. I understand that this, or any set of guidelines is not completely definitive or sure-fire, but it is my way, if you don't agree, theres no need to wage any sort of comment war. I guarantee you some men will think I am wrong, and alot of women will. These guidelines have worked for dozens of people.

How to date a girl who is way out of your league.

step 1Be Yourself
I know this isn't the most original way to open up, but it really is the most important step. If a girl doesn't like who you are once she gets to know you, she isn't worth your time. Furthermore if you have to change who you are to attract, or keep a girl, you are cheating both yourself and her. In my opinion that is the biggest lie... to be anything other than yourself

Some people just won't like you, and just won't click... it just won't work.
Get over it.

Lying is the worst. If have to lie to get something, its not for you, and its not worth having to lie to keep it. Girls are no exception to the human race, they appreciate honesty above all. This is a good thing to realize about all people, if you plan on dealing with them for the rest of your life. By honesty I don't mean "Yes, that dress makes you look fat," I mean honesty of character.

You have to be pretty confident, and realize that ultimately you are selling yourself--Not everyone is buying, but being confident and straightforward is the best sales pitch.

-don't deceive
-Be Honest
-Let her be herself

How to date a girl who is way out of your league.

step 2"The Hook"
This is half the battle right here. You're not the most suave guy, and you want someone to notice you. Guess what, I am not going to give you cheap tricks, or cheesy lines.... infact I am of the personal belief that if its a line at all, its cheap. The best contact comes spur of the moment, not necessarily some heartfelt speech, but most likely a comment, or a joke or a witty interaction based on the situation.

-Approach a girl who doesn't seem to want to be approached
-Approach a girl in a bar, or club--these girls are looking to be wooed by a fast car, cheap haircut, and lame lines. They have their guard up, and don't want to be bothered.
-Try to hard. This is the biggest game killer ever. I can write pages on this, but I'll put it at this "if you're frustrated--you probably trying to hard, if she's frustrated--your definitely trying too hard"

-Place yourself in a situation you are comfortable with
-Give yourself any social edges possible
-Not rule out friends as possible romantic interests
-Not rule out the idea of meeting someone in the strangest places
-Act confident and natural

Conversation is after all the heart of getting to know someone. "First contact" is the most important. If you can keep someones interest and make them laugh, and feel good about themselves, you've got someones interest, and can take it to the next level... phone number, going on a date, etc. There are some things to avoid during conversation, for instance you want to avoid any serious subject... war, politics, religion, abortion, etc. If one of these does happen to come up, keep it light, and change the subject matter. Also you want to avoid complimenting her too much, this comes across as desperate/needy.

Be interested in her personality, be genuine, try to get to know her. talk about your common ground, get her talking about what excites her, what her interests are. Do talk about yourself, do be polite. Don't ramble on about yourself, this can happen if there is a gap in the conversation it only proves to makes this awkward. As a general rule of thumb a girl will ask you if she is interested to know something about you. Pay attention, don't just hear, listen. Make a mental note of things she says, remember them, there will be a quiz later.

You want to keep your body language in mind too... there are far better resources on body language than this article, and I strongly suggest you look into them. Mainly you want to keep a firm grasp on what you are saying with you body. Keep a good posture, relaxed but not slouching. Don't let your eyes wander too much, be confident and look her in the eye when speaking to her. Mind your hands, don't let them fidget and play with something (tablecloth, hair, keys, etc). Don't move too much, nervous feet shuffling, shifting your weight. Act casual, and try to keep your actions on your mind so that you don't let them get the best of you.

Generally treat a girl the way you would like to be treated, be polite, considerate, and genuine. It seems like common sense, and it really is, but alot of people forget that, or overlook it. Try to keep that in mind.

How to date a girl who is way out of your league.

step 3How you treat her
This isn't dating for dummies, so I'll skip the rules about going on dates, when to hold hands when to compliment someone, when to call etc.

First of all the more attractive a girl is, the worse she is ultimately treated by everyone. Alot of guys treat girls like jerks--this works. If you try it, it will likely work for you, however it has the unfortunate side effect of making you a jerk... jerks are never happy in the long run. Its some deep seeded psychological appeal that attracts girls to these sorts of guys. I won't get into it, because I don't understand it well enough to make a case as to who/what/where/when/why/how.

Attractive girls also have to deal with the "nice guy effect." I've been there, and I'm sure you probably have too. Its where you idolize a really attractive girl, you let yourself be completely there for her for whatever she needs, you become her friend. This is terrible because you are nervous around her, you aren't necessarily yourself, you look up to her, and you cherish everything she does for you or says to you. Despite what they may say, girls won't respect you in the way you want them to. You loose your confidence and your control of the situation. Theres a theory that does a pretty good job of explaining this
Again I'm not a psychologist, so I won't even try to delve into the deeper meaning of these interactions.

You do want to fall somewhere in between the jerk and the nice guy. This relates back alot to step 1 where you make sure you are yourself. You need to think and know, that no matter how attractive a girl is, that she has (mostly) the same stuff inside of her as you. She has fears and insecurities just like anyone else. Don't let her walk on you, but don't take advantage of the situation and walk on her. You have to be confident and strong of character. You're going to want to treat her like you would treat a friend, someone you respect, but don't take crap from. This is probably the hardest step.

What you have to realize is the more attractive a girl is, the more phonies she is going to get, and many girls are so sick of phonies and people trying to force themselves into some sort of mold that society has defined that someone who is genuinely confident and a solid character is an instant attraction. This is how beauty and the beast got together in the first place.

Furthermore, many guys see a really attractive girl, and are only interested in one thing, and that is their body/looks/sex. The more attractive a girl is, the less a guy tries to get to know who she really is. Make sure you are interested in who this girl really is, (her hopes, dreams, fears, ambitions, quirks, oddities, favorite things, etc.) if you're not interested in that, your not after her for the right reasons. This really handicaps attractive girls, it can make them suspicious of just about any guy, because they know that so many are out there for the wrong reasons. Eventually everyone wants to be noticed and recognized for who they are as a person, not how they look.

Keep all of this in mind, and know that once you get someone to let their guard down, and let you inside, they are generally fragile creatures

step 4Communication
Once you get past talking, you get into communication. Talking is essentially ice breaking, communication is the portrayal of ideas, emotions, concepts and stuff like that. You need to know how to communicate whether your on a first date, having some pillow talk, or discussing what you want to name your children.
Lots of guys try to skip over communication or fake it. Guess what, it catches up with you eventually and always.

Communication is essentially just expressing thoughts feelings and ideas in their entirety. Its more than just talking, although its just talking. Confused? good.

Finding a happy medium. Everyone has different levels on which they communicate, some people feel the need to blabber on unintelligibly with ever single thought that pops into their heads, some people hardly ever talk. You need to make sure to find a happy medium with a girl, weather its a first date, or a serious relationship. Some girls want to talk nightly on the phone, some don't like to talk while eating, while you may be blabbing away about how good the pizza is. Its up to you to judge each other and find a happy medium, if you can't find one without severely putting someone out, then it probably wasn't meant to be.

Also keep in mind that there is more to communication that what you say and hear. Body language is also a huge key factor. How you carry yourself, how your face looks, what you do with your hands, tone of your voice, etc. This is why its hard to tell a lie, or something you don't believe in. Even if you try to act convincing your body will still tell her that you are lying, or that you aren't serious about what you are saying, and women have some sort of "intuition" (I call it built in lie detector). Be honest.

Listening to her, like I said earlier, she has more to say than just words, she is conveying Ideas, thoughts and emotions. Look for those and make sure you get them. Sometimes these can not be conveyed over the phone, or during a commercial break, come to a compromise, but don't ignore her, the subject matter will be on the test later. When you ignore someone who is really trying to communicate, tell you something you are insulting them on a personal level. There may be issues over the time/situational appropriateness you need to work out a compromise ultimately.

Telling her your feelings. True story: communication isn't just for girls. They appreciate knowing what you think and feel. It shows them respect and in turn helps you get closer. Don't be afraid to say what you think, because it'll come out eventually.

How to date a girl who is way out of your league.

step 5The wrapup
It can all be summarized as being yourself, and remembering to be respectful. Don't be fake, no one likes fake people. If you think that some cheap decals, some neon lights, and a spoiler make your car "pimpin" then this article probably didn't help you. Pretty much keep everything I said here in mind, it maintains its relevance weather you are trying to get a date, or have been with someone for a long time. Be genuine and be yourself, and remember, that if someone isn't buying what your selling, there are plenty of other worthy buyers.


{ Al } | 5:48 PM said...


{ Tonypedia } | 2:56 PM said...

this is originally from ""
At least give credit where it's due.

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